letters from december

 -

I’m not the guy they’d stare at on a train

I don’t go to gym

I don’t lift

I can barely take a cab without throwing up or going broke

I shop for small portions

I stay in

I watch movies on pirated websites

I am quiet

I know I don’t belong in this competition

I don’t follow pop culture

But I’m in love with you

I saw you once 

only once

and I’m in love with you!

-

Your boots on the train

with silly leopard print,

and your coat,

simple, and grey,

your scarf,

with geometric patterns

and your glasses,

with brown frames.

Our lives are too short

to pay attention to each-other.

but paying attention is what

makes them seem longer.

-

ჩემი სახელი ცარცივით თეთრია.

შენს სახელს ლიანდაგების სუნი აქვს.

-

Did I believe in wrong gods all along?

did you care for the right ones?

is that why you can go on living

while I float in Styx?

-

Living with you was a ritual I’ll never stop thinking about. 

and the sacrifice was my anger.

you created space in my mind

and later I found more of it

in my chest. 

-

We liked to sit inside our melancholy lair after Christmas

and watch nights trawl days 

Into the nets of slow procession.

-

Autumn flower wintered into my dry cough

and fever.

-

All my flowers died.

they abandoned my memories of you.

but it was too cold anyways.

-

I know it’s been years,

but you’re still in my mind

and in my heart.

and I’ll always keep you hidden there.

and keep the doors closed. 

-

I always think of us at Christmas.

remember, once you said you only liked Christmas because

it made me happy.

and my kiss was the only gift you cared for.

Well, I was only happy 

because you were here.

now, my smiles are paid for

and my gifts come in boxes. 

-

I am thankful for your strength, 

but angry at your stubbornness.

-

I wish I could make myself into a toy

for the lonely.

but I’m an accessory for the rich.

-

It came with winter

but won’t leave with spring.

regardez-moi, milord.