letters from october

 -

I hide many things

because secrecy is most commonly mistaken for

sophistication.


-

I dreamt of blue birds and yellow rats,

of cats as red as strawberries

and dogs, darker than earth.


and that’s because I’ve been rereading tales

from my childhood.


-

I wish I could build things

so people would admire me for my work, 

not my personality.

(Not that anyone admires that,

But it’s the only thing I can show..)


I’m just lonely tonight.

I don’t need to be cuddled

as someone suggested. 

I don’t need hugs.

I don’t really NEED anything. 


But I’d give the world away

for a short conversation with my mom,

somewhere in Paris again, 

on our way to Notre Dame.


-

Tonight I smell of pink salt and black orchids

and my earlobes taste of wet metal.

my eyelids wait for your lips

and I tremble at the memory

of your whispery “night..”


You probably still smell of sunshine and green apples.

There’s no way of knowing it for me anymore. 


-

I’m happy in the mornings

because I don’t know what the day brings. 

I am happy in the evenings

because I know what the day brought.


-

I know you, world.

you’re this living box of magic.

as time goes you open more and more

and you only fucking show what I want to see.

I always wanted the depth, not vastness,

sadness, not air.

and you’ve opened and shown it for me

and now I don’t like it

and please make it all go away.


-

I carry my sadness everywhere I go

because it’s the only place you live now.


-

I wonder what did you tell them.

no one reached out.

everyone who said they liked me and loved me.

no one reached out.

no text.

no call.

no words from anyone.


-

Since when is killing you

not an option.


-

you’re quick to assume I will

keep my promises

after your terrible manners.


-

When I sleep,

alone

my head is still tilted slightly to the left.


I think it is hope that guides my stupid neck.

but you’re never there,

not at night,

never in the morning.


And I still sleep too close to the edge,

an silly odd mechanism to protest me

from your turns and kicks.

letters from september

 -

Place where I really belong -

away.



-

You believed in summer love

and I believed in autumn sadness.



-

- what’s your favorite color?

- ჭრელი.

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