letters from january

-

I'm not my best practice. 
I'm not my worst practice.

-
..your breath, glued to my arm,
your tongue, by my fingers. 

-
Take off your gloves.
Put them by the door.
Stand by the mirror. 
Let me see.

-
Gods invented people
and people invented gods.
But ghosts were always there.

-
I talk to books
so the conversation is not one sided.

-
..if you only had one life
would you waste it on loving yourself?

-
I'm sorry for boring you with my tragedies.
They're really just stories I invent at night. 

-
Sometimes thoughts pour out of me in my dreams
and I wake up empty,
I wake up older.

-
you never smile at me 
the same way you smile at others.
you never frown at them
the same way you frown at me.
they get your joy.
I get your disappointment.

-
you were born the same year as I.
what were fates thinking?

you died a year before. 

-
Remember me. 
I am your Leo.
even if you're someone else's nymph.

-
poetry lives in my belly.
prose lives in my neck.

-
I'm cerulean like a mosaic of the sea.
I'm rosy like a sunset.
You're green like my bruises
gifted by you.

-
I asked what's the most beautiful thing in me. 
You said: your balance.
I asked what's the furthest depth in me.
You said: your romance. 
I asked what's the thing they love the most in me.
You said: your mysteries and your ghosts.

-
..drowning in happiness,
flying with sorrow,
choose to be one, 
light as a metal.

-
White birds
falling from the sky.
White light
bundling through my bedroom windows.
it's snowing.

-
My god has wings.
Your god eats people.
My demon drowned. 
Yours sacrificed itself to me.

-
When London called 
I had no answer.
Paris was
still far too sad.
New York broke my heart.

-
I'm thinner than you remember.
Your absence has its consequences. 

-
..for you the question has never been
to be or not to be.
It's always been
where to be. 
be here.
please.


-
somewhere in this town
there is a warm and clean bath tub
with your name on it.

-
It is full moon
and the life I intended for myself
has left this side of the planet.

-
I'm sitting here every morning
seeing bedrooms sleep
across the courtyard,
playing with interim death
of my neighbors.
what if I saw my dreams all at once!
would I go mad?

-
I'm afraid I've expired,
overstayed,
gone yellow.
my skin that smelled of silver metal,
no longer wrinkles under your weight.
my armpits become milky dull. 
where are you?
why aren't you here..

-
I'm still looking for rooms in attics
and I regret falling in love with our first room.
the biggest mistake a wandering soul makes
is pretending to be domesticated,
to be tamed
for you.

-
This morning bed was dull and empty.
Even my own bed knows I'm not enough.

-
my letters to you are vinegar and salt.
my thoughts are almonds and honey.
and my children fly to me.

-
Every morning I sit silent,
quietly take off my clothes
and while Ravel gnarls and groons
I play with the dolls of humans
who grew up without my care.

-
A novel has never been my muscle,
it was my skull.
Poems were my joints.
Stories were my vertebrae.
Haikus were my toes.

-
you are music to my cinema
but when she licks my fingers
all I hear is a heartbeat
and RockNRoll..

-
you are a bigger boy
and big boys make big pets.

-
take my books
and give them to dreamers
so they know otherwise.

-
Your New York heart is steel and glass
and your New York gaze is concrete and smog.
My heart is red bricks and cracks
and my gaze is cobblestones and rain.

-
talk to me like you talked to your lovers
in Lyon.

-
if "dear" was a bird
it would be a green flamingo,
half eaten.

-
..terrified of your thoughts about me
after you saw me drunk.

-
the only thing I really wanted that winter
was to find my lair
and nestle there
in dark.

-
I'm on my own most of the time
and when I'm not
I crave it like a crab
on the sun.

-
my bones are cancersome.
my breath is vicious.
the roots of your hair
smell delicious.

-
bags of chewing gum,
bottles of burnt amber whiskey,
boxes of popcorn..
- that was me in my 30s.

-
why did you come
if you knew you'd leave?
you always leave.
and that's my nature.

-
I carry paper napkins now
to pretend I sneeze
when I think about us.

-
I put papers at your desk.
they contained letters,
never read.

-
what the hell did I do
except not being someone
you imagined me to be.

-
I was your child when you said:
don't write more than you can live.

-
Conversations are getting sadder and lonelier
as I age against my better judgement.




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