#epsomsaltbathdiaries

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influenced by a younger generation I am taking an epsom bath, for the second time in my LIFE!
Being a Leo through and through, I have a very cat-like attitude towards water.

I believe stewing in any kind of salt is better left to pisces...
But all the yoga kids are doing it, so...

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Don’t shave the shaveable areas before taking the bath.

Also, turns out the fluffy rug by the tub should NOT be used as a headrest..
It is unfortunately damp.

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I am no longer terrified by my own bellybutton. However, the nature of it is still mysterious to me.
Is it a hole? Why doesn’t it go anywhere? it certainly is not a button.

If it is a button (which it isn’t), should I try pushing it?.

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I pushed it.
Something pushed back.

#AmericanHorrorStory Pregnancy Edition.

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I want to see  billy eichner hunt the streets of New York, Corona Edition.

But leave Elena alone. She ain’t exactly what you’d call “young”..

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Shower head staring and drooling down at me is a little intimidating.

Also, I don’t know what it means but I hear Jared deep conditions his hair while taking a bath and I’m only hoping it’s not the sort of "conditioning" Rebeca has tricked us into on more than one occasion.

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Massive “Dreamers” flashbacks. Am I Theo, Matthew or Isabelle?

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To my dear “drain stopper”: you had ONE JOB!!!
Do it! Live up to my EXPECTATIONS!!!

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Overall impression:
I still prefer bathing in the blood of Bambi’s mother.

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Afterbath:
I really do have a figure of Venus de Milo. (not exactly an ideal look for  29 year old guy)

And I’ve found a new mole on my groin. It shall remain undiscovered by humans till the end of times!

Also, where the FUCK is Euripides when I need him to immortalize my perishable beauty and desperation!

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Epilogue:
I haven’t been so beautifully moisturized in my LIFE!

There is cream in the places you wouldn’t expect it to be!

You could say I’m moist like a 13 year old at harry styles concern.

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It might be Tanqueray talking but if my dick could talk it would recite sonnet xviii rn.